How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
