I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my liver is dry heaving
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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