Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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