your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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