Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
