There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
