Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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