I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
