she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
