dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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