WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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