We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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