There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
