Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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