Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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