remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
