he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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