these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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