So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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