I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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