i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
