3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
