Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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