Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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