I think im going to throw up on grandma
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
