My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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