# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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