Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
