i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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