Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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