hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
