After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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