Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
