I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
