I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
