Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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