do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
