We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
