All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
