who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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