I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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