Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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