There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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