i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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