wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
