He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
