Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
