Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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