I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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