and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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