I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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