farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
