you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
