Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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