this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
