why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He better not be in your backpack
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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