Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
