yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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