Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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