where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
