I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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