I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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