Your dad touched me again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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