My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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