I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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